I donno if life is meant to be like this for me.....it a hard to believe life i've got which i cant explain any better. I donno if this kind of situations jus comes comes in my life or does this happen to everybody?....still it painful to be saying all these stuffs.

I had my years of hard luck and sufferings....to begin with it was all situations.....i blame situations for wateva happening to me....coz i donno whom i'm supposed to blame more than that.

It all started by my best fren goin away...i cudnt stop her coz her parents were movin to a country outside....i felt so lonely but faced it....I've alwez felt lonely. My dad got sick n i had to look after n i wasnt much of a help at dat age of 15...he's recovering now...my grades went down.....but well then after a year i tried to recover the loss.....n thats when i fell in love for da 1st time....n i knew from within dat dis isnt da guys for me.....half a yr passed n i proposed even though i knew it was wrong.....well ofcourse he said yes....n i donno why guys find it so hard to reject me....but dats something i detest a lot coz it hurts a lot when somebody "gives u hope n take it away"...well where i'm leading is dat aft a few weeks we broke off coz he didnt have any feelings for me in dat sense......aft dat my life has been a mess....well that year was da best i had in years.

I was goin to college n then my grades started to fall coz i cudnt cope up wid the pressure of coll so then i went into depression......a yr aft dat i left coll n went to another......the depression hasnt left me....in another coll i was relaxed abt my studies n cud study a lil better.....well then here i messed up with my fame n reputition.....this is kinda hard to tell but its something for da gals to be aware of when they are facing their lives... Here i hooked up wid a guy who was a playboy n i didnt knw dat as even he was new in the coll....he was a fren of my fren's bf....well aft we hooked up he started spreading bad rumors of me which was totally untrue n dat hurt me a lot....

In this story, what was infront of me was dat a good fren of mine told me he was not a good guy n then my fren's bf said not to believe him....n i trusted my fren's bf.....that was my greatest mistake....now i jus think that they made up this plan to hook up with me n play with my feelings.....this guy was a two-faced person n that confused me such a lot n was in dilemma ......my world was crashing down......we broke off....i was still confused on who was rite n who was wrong.......but i saw it after it was too late n i cudnt even pour my anger on the guy who cheated me so badd. n well even my fren n her bf broke off. this all happened almost at the same time n i was alone n facing me prob.....its all so hard to gain back ur confidence when so much bad is said about u behind ur back.....n i cant believe so many bad things cud happen in da same time....i still had my grades goin down to worry about. well then after a while i started to like a guy in my class....he's a gud guy.....n well at this time my life was low....so it was hard for me to figure out wats best for me....I donno how much u people believ this but i only felt like crying when i knew i was in love with him n i still cry... Much to my wonder he's someone whose ambitious n not of a type whose after gals. Well in my life rumors neva stop ....i heard dat he likes me too n i wondered if it was true...coz i've faced my expectations getting crashed n havent recovered from da downs of life .....n here's something hard to believe....i didnt want to get overwhelmed by it coz maybe ultimately i might have to suffer again.....

My coll years were comin to an end n due to the rumor he started speaking less with me...the boards came.....final days of class came n then da farewell.....i confessed him about my feelings without any hope....i just wanted to move on yet wid no grudges.....then at dat moment he said he's got some feelings. I was surprised dat something gud could happen....he gave me hope for sometime.....not long though.....he started to ignore me...so i really wanted to know why .....i found da reason aft about a week though from his own mouth dat he jus said he's got feelings to keep my spirits up for dat day......i was crushed again......

what i really loathe is people lying to me n not speaking up da truth when u know that the truth will come out one day n it'll hurt more....guys have taken away my confidence, my trust, my dignity, given me a broken heart, n showed me to learn to Never Trust a Guy however he is......life has taught me dat there's no one there to help you when in need n support u.....its how strong you are that'll help u get back into ur life....i've learnt dat guys dont understand gals or better to say they don wanna understand. i've tried to understand people and that has jus lead me into sufferings so deep i donno when i'll heal....n this has made me believe dat its gud not to be gud to the world....coz gud people are the ones who suffer a lot....but i cant change the qualities in me....maybe one day my qualities will help me live a gud n happy life....but the only thing i have right now is hope....which is too little dat's left in me....i donno what makes me go on in life....maybe i'll find dat out too...One day!

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